before he or she hits the hay. Or, on the flip side, you come up with
reasons to stay up late so that your partner is zonked out before you?
Of course, there is the whole, “I have a headache” scenario, too.
legitimate reasons why your libido is taking a nosedive. Once you know
that, you can get to work fixing it!
Many women experience a low s*x drive, according to relationship
experts. We talked to Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy.D, a relationship and
intimacy expert and author of The Self-Aware Parent, as well as Dr. Gino
Tutera, MD, FACOG,OB/GYN, to find out what some of the causes are and
what you can do to reignite the spark in the bedroom.
GETTING TO THE SOURCE
The first thing you need to do is rule out whether this is a medical or
hormonal problem, recommends Dr. Walfish. Have a full exam with your
OB/GYN, including a full-panel blood test to check your hormone levels.
Dr. Tutera, who specializes in menopause, specifically points to
testosterone, the hormone that influences our s*x drive. “If your
testosterone level is low, your desire to have s*x will be too.” If your
blood test results reveal this, ask your doctor about the treatments
available to you.
If your doctor can’t identify a medical explanation, then ask
yourself whether you’ve always had a low libido or if there’s been a
sudden or gradual onset, suggests Dr. Walfish. If your s*x drive was
once generally higher than it is nowadays, the chances of getting your
libido back up to that point are greater. Never having experienced a
higher s*x drive is more unusual, but definitely NOT hopeless. No matter
which category you fall under, you still have some digging to do.
MAKE ROOM FOR MEMORIES
Is your past flooded with negative messages about se*uality and/or pleasuring yourself?
It’s hard to distance yourself from the messages that surrounded your
formative years, especially on a topic that many people have strong
views on. What did your parents, teachers, or other role models tell you
about s*x? Was it not talked about? Was it shameful? Was it natural?
Try to understand how your upbringing influenced your perception of s*x.
It could be having a more lasting impact on you than you think.
Dr. Walfish says she can tell a lot from her patients by their
reactions to questions about their s*xual history (e.g. their bodies
become tense or visibly uncomfortable when s*x is being discussed).
“Some women don’t know that they’re allowed to (and supposed to) enjoy
s*x just as much as their partner does,” says Dr. Walfish. If this is
the case, talking to a therapist can help you feel more comfortable with
your body and s*xual activity.
MAYBE YOU’RE JUST NOT THAT INTO HIM
When your s*x drive is at its lowest, it can be a sure sign that you’re with the wrong partner, according to Dr. Walfish.
Are the people you’re selecting for s*xual partners narcissistic,
selfish, or even abusive? This can take a toll on your self-esteem,
confidence, and the way you view s*x within your partnership. For
example, if a man doesn’t make you feel like you’re special to him, you
may constantly fear that you aren’t measuring up to his past s*xual
partners—having that on the brain is a buzz kill for anyone!
Even if your partner makes you feel good about yourself, he may just
not be addressing your physical needs. Communicating what you want in
bed is a difficult thing for many women, but the rewards are endless.
Talk to someone you trust about how they communicate instructions in bed
— and take notes!
STRESS LESS
Dr. Tutera contends that the primary cause for low libido in young
women, assuming a hormonal reason has been ruled out, is stress. It
makes sense; no one is going to have dirty thoughts running through
their mind if there’s no room
If you think this might be the cause of your low s*x drive, try
addressing the stress issue first and separately. As you start
de-stressing methods that work for you, see how your s*xual desires
change.
“The bottom line is that everyone has a right to personal happiness
and s*xual pleasure,” says Dr. Walfish. When it comes to experiencing
low libido, she emphasizes that you’re not alone so have no shame.
Dr. Tutera echoes Walfish’s sentiments: “Women should never be
embarrassed or scared of their low s*x drive.” Be proactive in bettering
your s*x life by talking to your doctors.
source: galtime.com
